I have a blog in which I describe how I caught my husband cheating. Before I stooped to spying, I spent many months asking my husband point blank if was having an affair, explaining that I was noticing some disturbing changes, and asking for explanations of things that were off. Even though all the signs were there, my husband continued to deny any wrong doing and to tell me that I was over reaching, imagining things, and was being paranoid.
So, if you're in this situation, I completely understand your frustration. The truth is, you need and deserve answers. You can't make an informed decision or formulate a plan if you don't have all the facts. This article is geared toward getting your husband to admit to his cheating, even when he insists that nothing is going on.
Know That Most Husbands Won't Admit To An Affair Until They Are Caught: Statistically speaking, only seven percent of men who cheat ever admit to the affair. And, some only admit to it years later, after it is over. So, the odds that you can get your husband to come clean on his own are low.
Usually, the husbands who will admit to cheating do so because the mistress or someone else has threatened to tell the wife if he doesn't. In essence, he has no choice and he wants to be the one to break the news to you rather than your hearing about it from someone else. Typically though, if a man has already been able to justify the affair to himself and has been able to quiet the guilty or nagging voice whispering in his ear, he's already gone past the point of honestly and trust. He's already dove into the pool of dishonesty and so it's rare that he's going to take a step back and change course unless he's pushed or forced to do so.
Often, men are completely able to compartmentalize an affair and separate this act from their marriage. They often really believe that these are two different things and that the affair has nothing to do with his marriage or his love for you. Men sort of see an affair as taking care of a problem that would only cause you pain if you knew. Many even tell me that they are protecting their wives from pain. And, few intend for the affair to be a lasting thing. In their mind, this is just a fleeting event in time that you don't need to know or worry about.
Following The Trail To Catch The Affair: By now, you can probably see that I'm alluding to the fact that the only surefire way to get your husband to admit to the cheating is to catch them doing it or to come up with so much indisputable evidence that they will have no choice but to fess up. Emails and text messages or cell phone messages that are in black and white and whose intentions are very obvious are not easy to debate or excuse.
Often a cheater will make every effort to cover their tracks. They'll delete their Internet history. They'll set up free hot mail or gmail accounts separate from your shared or family email that they never intend for you to find out about. They'll delete all of their cell phone history or they'll get a throw away, cheap phone that they use just for the affair. What they don't realize is that there's no such thing as an affair without a mistake. There is always a paper or technological trail. Eventually, their double life is going to catch up with them. All computers and cell phones have a memory and a blue print. If you know what you are doing, you can find deleted information, erased emails and texts, and information that they thought was permanently gone.
There are countless ways that you can catch them. You just have to decide if you are ready for the answers when they come. And, you have to spy in such a way that you aren't going to be detected. A small percentage of my readers will learn that they were wrong - that their husband really wasn't having an affair. Yes, this is a small number of people, but if you are wrong, you don't want to destroy the trust any more than it already is. Discovering an affair is painful, but I believe that being lied to is worse.
The bottom line is this. Statistics show us that your intuition and that little nagging feeling you have is almost always right. And, very few husband ever fess up until they've been forced to. The tools are there to find out the truth. The real question is deciding if you are ready for the answer. This is very individual. I personally believe that you can't deal with what you don't really know. But, I know that some will disagree with me and that's OK.
As I said, I was in this situation a short time ago. But after thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read my very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/
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